It's been quite a while since I've last posted. Guess I've put writing on the backburner recently. Yeah, but that's my love/hate/neglect relationship with blogs for ya =P I guess for the most part I haven't felt the need to use my blog as a way to deal with my emotions... possibly due to the fact that a) i haven't really had any emotional issues that i wanted to say out loud in a public forum and b) I've been otherwise pretty happy lately.
lol and then there's always the fact that i do suffer occasionally from bouts of laziness =P
Onto the update....
This weekend has been, for lack of another word, somewhat interesting. I've had both emotional highs and lows, with some details i'm obviously not going to put online, because really, I'm not so petty as to want to make someone look bad. And unfortunately, when you give the side of the story of the person who has been hurt, its inevitable that the other side looks bad. Ima considerate person dontya know. Real nicelike. That and I don't generally like talking bad about people... though there are few individuals who i really do not mind talking bad about.. well there are always exceptions. And i stand by my choices =P though admittedly i can only think of one that I'd put into that oh so special category of 'grade A fucker'. It really is a very select group after all.
But i digress.
May as well start with Friday night where, for reasons not to be said online (ask me and I might tell you... well in most cases i will =P) I was actually properly angry. Like I was not just pissed. I was angry. Now, if you know me, i rarely ever get properly angry. EVER. But the sense of betrayal and hurt that i felt at that particular point, yeah... it made me angry. Here's the irony, i wasn't so much angry at the person who caused it as i was angry at the fact that at that point I regretted the feelings i had in the past... well that and i realised just how absolutely led on i had been.
The first thing got to me because i never want to regret my emotions. Ya know, feelings felt so long as based on something are good. Even if ultimately whatever it was didn't work out and you feel hurt because of it. See... those are fine. They make your memories more vibrant... but ya know... when you find out that what you felt was based on lies (or what you thought was lies) well it just makes the emotions not something you'd want to hold on to.
Or at least it does for me.
The second one... well that's really obvious aint it lol. The worst bit is that really I knew at the very beginning that it was possible i was being led on. But i was... shall we say.... selectively blind. Guess i wanted to believe what i wanted to believe. I'll say this though, it really does aboslutely positively suck... the realisation that you were led on. I don't like the idea that i was fucked around with, and i don't like the thought that I put myself in the situation where i got fucked around with even more.
But with all that said, i'm over all of that. It took me till Saturday night before i managed to let it go, (which for me is surprisingly long... most times i go bed and when i wake up i'm not angry any more) but its done. Decided that this was an issue i really shouldn't care about anymore, and so really I don't. That whole package... the situation, the emotions, the person involved... i don't care about anymore. Totally.
It, all of it, don't deserve the time i've given it. I don't intend to give it more time.
Moving on...
Saturday night was interesting in so as much that I was hanging out with a totally different group of people. I had been at Yue's farewell party which was pretty cool.... though I have to say Yue gets incredibly hoochy when she's drunk. Hoochy btw isn't my word, but i think it is very fitting. lol but she's awesome =D and i do have to say... the girl knows how to move... lol if her lil mini strip dance was anything to go by. (no stripping occured mind you). So i headed to town with her, her boy, a white chick, a thai chick who likes white guys and a white guy who like guys too. Awesome people all :D I ended up going to Fat eddy's which is down in his lordship's lane, then going to the concrete club which was a dance club (trance and the like). I will say this, i REALLY missed my hip hop last night. I mean i'm cool with trance dancing , but after a while i really get SO dizzy. Too much head movement aye lol
But on the whole was an interesting experience =D always cool to make new friends!
Now i said that this weekend also had a high point and it did. Had alot of fun at Taylor's msitake today, just bumming round with Eva (NAMELY BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE I TXTED WAS BUSY... I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHY IS IT THAT EVEYRONE"S ALWAYS BEEN BUSY WHEN I TRY TO ORGANIZE THINGS.. ARGH!) but we spent the time climbing round the rocks, which was just alot of fun! We'll be going back, namely due to the fact we didn't really have enough time to really explore but we've found ourselves a new beach! Btw... i lost my jandals in the ocean... the current swept it off my feet >.< so currently i am jandal-less... TT_TT
But yeah... thats me weekend in a nutshell ^_^
Laters All
ken
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Gangsta Philosophy
Is life about the carats you blinging or the character you bringing?
Word life foo...
I'm such a horrible gangsta lol
Word life foo...
I'm such a horrible gangsta lol
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Of lazy sunday afternoons
Today I got absolutely NOTHING productive done....
but you know what?
I wouldn't have traded this day for the world.
Its days like this which just... i don't know... remind you of the simple pleasures in life maybe? The day pretty much went like this... woke up... went to eat kfc with Va, Nic and Xtina... Va left early cos of work so we went to the hill with the cherry blossoms and just literally sat for two hours. Well not just sitting , but we were out there awhile.
And it was FANTASTIC.
Actually come to think of it, there was alot of sitting round doing nothing at first. Me and Nic were just enjoying the sun and talking bout stuffs... which realy was nice actually.
There was this jap family enjoying the day too, and ya know.... watching them play... that was really cool. There's something really nice (not sure if that's the right word) about watching a happy family together. Makez a guy want to have one of his own it does...
Well anyways Xtina came back from lib and we ended up doing cartwheels and handstands and stuff. now I haven't done this sorta thing in public since i was a kid... and damn... i loved it. Lol just clowning around on the hill.... in the sun.... under the cherry blossoms.... man that was awesome!
But the best part came when we decided to try rolling down the hill.... now honestly....its.....
SO MUCH INCREDIBLE FUN !!!!
lol i know it sounds silly but rolling down a hill really is incredibly fun! like really really really FUN! loved it =D
I reckon that's prob the high point... but really today just been one of those days. Comfortable? yeah guess that's a good word for it.
Loved it... and its peaceful, fun, lazy sunday afternoons like this which makes life worthwhile
anyways i'm out~
Peace all!
~ken
but you know what?
I wouldn't have traded this day for the world.
Its days like this which just... i don't know... remind you of the simple pleasures in life maybe? The day pretty much went like this... woke up... went to eat kfc with Va, Nic and Xtina... Va left early cos of work so we went to the hill with the cherry blossoms and just literally sat for two hours. Well not just sitting , but we were out there awhile.
And it was FANTASTIC.
Actually come to think of it, there was alot of sitting round doing nothing at first. Me and Nic were just enjoying the sun and talking bout stuffs... which realy was nice actually.
There was this jap family enjoying the day too, and ya know.... watching them play... that was really cool. There's something really nice (not sure if that's the right word) about watching a happy family together. Makez a guy want to have one of his own it does...
Well anyways Xtina came back from lib and we ended up doing cartwheels and handstands and stuff. now I haven't done this sorta thing in public since i was a kid... and damn... i loved it. Lol just clowning around on the hill.... in the sun.... under the cherry blossoms.... man that was awesome!
But the best part came when we decided to try rolling down the hill.... now honestly....its.....
SO MUCH INCREDIBLE FUN !!!!
lol i know it sounds silly but rolling down a hill really is incredibly fun! like really really really FUN! loved it =D
I reckon that's prob the high point... but really today just been one of those days. Comfortable? yeah guess that's a good word for it.
Loved it... and its peaceful, fun, lazy sunday afternoons like this which makes life worthwhile
anyways i'm out~
Peace all!
~ken
Thursday, September 06, 2007
Mini update
Lol because I said i would keep a record of gyming...
-did 10 mins interval training on treadmill... really ar.... my fitness so bad... T_T
-was going to go do weights, but met with jeffery so ultimately ended up playing squash. I'll work my biceps and shoulders tommorwo
ok... bed time bai bai all!
K
-did 10 mins interval training on treadmill... really ar.... my fitness so bad... T_T
-was going to go do weights, but met with jeffery so ultimately ended up playing squash. I'll work my biceps and shoulders tommorwo
ok... bed time bai bai all!
K
Monday, September 03, 2007
Ze new workout plan... day 1!
well its not quite a new workout plan, but i figure it'd be a good idea to just pu a rough summary of my workouts on blog. way I look at it, at the very least it givs me a way to check my progress.... lol though i really need to work on it. No stamina.. and need to get stronger...
10 mins of running - alternating between walking (5), jogging(9) and running(14) every minute. Seriously.... I shocked at my lack of fitness.... only could do 10 mins of that and by then was dying.. lol
So instead of my original plan of 30 mins of cardio decided to do some weights.
Two sets of ... lol i'm not sure what you call it. works the muscle at the top of the arm :P but only at 6kgs... need to strengthen.
One set of chest pulldown (10).... lol didn't check the weight setting on the machine.
Can't remember how many crunches i did... lol prob 20 i think :P hate ab workout >.<
2 sets (10) of chest press. Managed to do 88 kgs this time too. (but its a machine so its not quite like a proper bench press with free weights... =P but i don't have a spotter so i don't dare doing it the old fashioned way)
2 sets of tricep curls. Only set on 3 plates >.< lol my triceps need work... by the end of the second set was like dying lol
and that's my quick workout for today :D
Tommorow I go again! rar!
Laters ~
Ken
10 mins of running - alternating between walking (5), jogging(9) and running(14) every minute. Seriously.... I shocked at my lack of fitness.... only could do 10 mins of that and by then was dying.. lol
So instead of my original plan of 30 mins of cardio decided to do some weights.
Two sets of ... lol i'm not sure what you call it. works the muscle at the top of the arm :P but only at 6kgs... need to strengthen.
One set of chest pulldown (10).... lol didn't check the weight setting on the machine.
Can't remember how many crunches i did... lol prob 20 i think :P hate ab workout >.<
2 sets (10) of chest press. Managed to do 88 kgs this time too. (but its a machine so its not quite like a proper bench press with free weights... =P but i don't have a spotter so i don't dare doing it the old fashioned way)
2 sets of tricep curls. Only set on 3 plates >.< lol my triceps need work... by the end of the second set was like dying lol
and that's my quick workout for today :D
Tommorow I go again! rar!
Laters ~
Ken
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Thought of the day... and assorted random crap ^_^
Been awhile since I've posted, though really because I don't quite use my blog as a day to day diary thing, i guess that is to be expected. one can't be emotionally unstable, or thoughtful all the time. Lol well you can but i'm sure that leads to eventual madness... and I can't afford that quite yet. Lol i'm not rich enough for madness to be seen as merely being eccentric.
The power money has in the attachment of connotations. Think about it!
So anyways, was discussing with Joyce about a week ago concerning how people are defined. In big words, she found it unfair that male promiscuity is always seen in a, for the most part, more positive light than female promiscuity. In short... she hated that men who slept around were considered 'the man" while women who did the same thing were seen as sluts.
The way i view it, the reason that society treats men and women so differently lies in the roles men and women are expected to fulfill. And yes, you can throw the whole modern woman girl power ra ra ra line in my face, but truth be told, the roles expected of men and women in some ways have still remained greatly unchanged.
I am talking about the fact that men are supposed to be providers while women are seen as nurturers. The proverbial father figure and mother figure idea.
This point is fairly arguable, but here's my take on this.
In terms of these roles, the ideal man would be one who was capable, driven, strong. Capable of protecting, providing both for the financial needs (though this has changed somewhat with women now more determined to support themselves. That said, what woman would honestly not like their partner to be capable to support them if needed? I still believe that most women would find that attractive. not that their partner necessarily has to, but that if needed they can. Plus if he's rich he can buy you nice things right?) and emotional needs (Support, love, excitement ya know the usuals).
The thing is, arguably part of being the 'ultimate male' would be the capability to get alot of women. Now this is something that doesn't necessarily clash with the concept of loyalty which women do need... but I'll be honest with you. Women do seem to have an almost universal need to tamper or change their partners. Most would consider a man with a long list of "conquests" someone who'd be willing to change "just for them". The whole "he'd never do that to me... he loves me" thing.
Now this really is still a generalization, so all this would not necessarily apply to all women. But i'm arguing that as a matter of society in general it seems to me that therein lies one of the main reasons why men who are promiscuous (also known as man-whores, players etc.) are not seen in quite the same negative light.
Now in terms of women, ultimately the role still falls back to the whole mother figure ideal. A person to care for both them and their eventual children (lol though this is where things have kinda changed over the years... i'd still argue that this is still a valid concern) Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that a woman's role is still in the house and all that, rather its more on the emotional side of things. To care, to love etc. That sort of thing.
Why is this a factor in how women are treated in relation to sexual partners? Frankly i think its the idea that a man would not want a woman who's been sleeping around to be the mother of their children. Now this is in terms of long term commitment (which to me does mean marraige but people would disagree). Note though nowadays there is a difference when we talk about casual relationships, because then a person's sexual history wouldn't matter as much.
Still i do believe that its this 'mother' role that makes it more undesirable for women to be "sluts".
Realise this though, women are as guilty as men for the way things are. Women are as likely as men to call other women sluts and the like, so its not quite something where the men are oppresing the women. Women do a very good job of that too ya know.
Anyways that's enough from me. Do realise that once more this all really is just random musing, and it is based on generalities, but i do think there is something there. Feel free to drop me a comment or argue with me even :D i like discussions i do ^_^
laters all!
Ken
The power money has in the attachment of connotations. Think about it!
So anyways, was discussing with Joyce about a week ago concerning how people are defined. In big words, she found it unfair that male promiscuity is always seen in a, for the most part, more positive light than female promiscuity. In short... she hated that men who slept around were considered 'the man" while women who did the same thing were seen as sluts.
The way i view it, the reason that society treats men and women so differently lies in the roles men and women are expected to fulfill. And yes, you can throw the whole modern woman girl power ra ra ra line in my face, but truth be told, the roles expected of men and women in some ways have still remained greatly unchanged.
I am talking about the fact that men are supposed to be providers while women are seen as nurturers. The proverbial father figure and mother figure idea.
This point is fairly arguable, but here's my take on this.
In terms of these roles, the ideal man would be one who was capable, driven, strong. Capable of protecting, providing both for the financial needs (though this has changed somewhat with women now more determined to support themselves. That said, what woman would honestly not like their partner to be capable to support them if needed? I still believe that most women would find that attractive. not that their partner necessarily has to, but that if needed they can. Plus if he's rich he can buy you nice things right?) and emotional needs (Support, love, excitement ya know the usuals).
The thing is, arguably part of being the 'ultimate male' would be the capability to get alot of women. Now this is something that doesn't necessarily clash with the concept of loyalty which women do need... but I'll be honest with you. Women do seem to have an almost universal need to tamper or change their partners. Most would consider a man with a long list of "conquests" someone who'd be willing to change "just for them". The whole "he'd never do that to me... he loves me" thing.
Now this really is still a generalization, so all this would not necessarily apply to all women. But i'm arguing that as a matter of society in general it seems to me that therein lies one of the main reasons why men who are promiscuous (also known as man-whores, players etc.) are not seen in quite the same negative light.
Now in terms of women, ultimately the role still falls back to the whole mother figure ideal. A person to care for both them and their eventual children (lol though this is where things have kinda changed over the years... i'd still argue that this is still a valid concern) Now don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that a woman's role is still in the house and all that, rather its more on the emotional side of things. To care, to love etc. That sort of thing.
Why is this a factor in how women are treated in relation to sexual partners? Frankly i think its the idea that a man would not want a woman who's been sleeping around to be the mother of their children. Now this is in terms of long term commitment (which to me does mean marraige but people would disagree). Note though nowadays there is a difference when we talk about casual relationships, because then a person's sexual history wouldn't matter as much.
Still i do believe that its this 'mother' role that makes it more undesirable for women to be "sluts".
Realise this though, women are as guilty as men for the way things are. Women are as likely as men to call other women sluts and the like, so its not quite something where the men are oppresing the women. Women do a very good job of that too ya know.
Anyways that's enough from me. Do realise that once more this all really is just random musing, and it is based on generalities, but i do think there is something there. Feel free to drop me a comment or argue with me even :D i like discussions i do ^_^
laters all!
Ken
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
FARNEE SHIT!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElpyNCl4oIQ
All you need to know is who prince is... lol this made me laugh !
All you need to know is who prince is... lol this made me laugh !
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Resolution
There is much for me to do, and i've put it off for long enough.
Got distracted for awhile, but I don't regret it. Never regret experiences that teach you things I say.
Not going to say on blog what it is I've decided, because really I do think i air out too much of my inner thoughts online, but I'll put a couple things of interest.
Andre said this yesterday which I found really interesting: "the person you choose as a partner stand as an emblem of who you are. " Essentially that the person you choose says alot about who you are a person. And that's true, but my take on it is a little different.
And you know.. if you know what a person truly desires... you get a very clear view into who they are. After all, we are what we desire. After all every action that is done is ultimately sourced by a desire.
Just an interesting thought.
Here's an interesting question... what is it that you want? What does your taste in a partner say about you?
^_^
One last final point. Never stay the same people. Always, always seek to better yourself. if you can go through one year and stay in essence essentially the same person... you probably wasted the year. Actually on that note.. if you don't get any more mature or wiser in a year.... you might want to reconsider how you live life....
Because it sucks to regret wasted time.
I would know.
Anwyays off to work!
Laters humans!
~ken
Got distracted for awhile, but I don't regret it. Never regret experiences that teach you things I say.
Not going to say on blog what it is I've decided, because really I do think i air out too much of my inner thoughts online, but I'll put a couple things of interest.
Andre said this yesterday which I found really interesting: "the person you choose as a partner stand as an emblem of who you are. " Essentially that the person you choose says alot about who you are a person. And that's true, but my take on it is a little different.
"the person that you choose is the clearest indicator of what you desire for yourself."
And you know.. if you know what a person truly desires... you get a very clear view into who they are. After all, we are what we desire. After all every action that is done is ultimately sourced by a desire.
Just an interesting thought.
Here's an interesting question... what is it that you want? What does your taste in a partner say about you?
^_^
One last final point. Never stay the same people. Always, always seek to better yourself. if you can go through one year and stay in essence essentially the same person... you probably wasted the year. Actually on that note.. if you don't get any more mature or wiser in a year.... you might want to reconsider how you live life....
Because it sucks to regret wasted time.
I would know.
Anwyays off to work!
Laters humans!
~ken
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
well moments over ^_^
I'm happy!
Think I just needed that lil shove to help me close the door. Hehe !
And about the nice guys fnishing last thing.. well I still reckon that people nowadays don't seem to want nice guys for boyfriends.
But then I can adapt. I'll just hide that part of myself until the other person has fallen for me =P
Woop woop!
Closure is good!
~ken
I'm happy!
Think I just needed that lil shove to help me close the door. Hehe !
And about the nice guys fnishing last thing.. well I still reckon that people nowadays don't seem to want nice guys for boyfriends.
But then I can adapt. I'll just hide that part of myself until the other person has fallen for me =P
Woop woop!
Closure is good!
~ken
Recurrance of a common theme.
Monday, August 06, 2007
A thought
This is kinda just a way for me to make sure i remember a very good piece of advice i was given today. Thanks Paul.
Basically that in life, love alot of the time has to be earned. Its the people who you know during the hard times... that they are there for you. The people who have been there... treasure them. He actually mentioned this in relation to relationships as well.. that you needed to know that the person was soemone who would be there.
He also said that love is actions, not words. You can tell if a person loves you by the actions they do. This really is so true. Lol his example was funny though. Like say the girl is feeling absolutely terrible, sniffling, looking not too flash at all... love would be helping throw away her tissues and cuddling her even if she looked like absolute crap.
lol thought that was a cute idea.
ah well, back to work! rAR
International trade so broing >.<
~K
Basically that in life, love alot of the time has to be earned. Its the people who you know during the hard times... that they are there for you. The people who have been there... treasure them. He actually mentioned this in relation to relationships as well.. that you needed to know that the person was soemone who would be there.
He also said that love is actions, not words. You can tell if a person loves you by the actions they do. This really is so true. Lol his example was funny though. Like say the girl is feeling absolutely terrible, sniffling, looking not too flash at all... love would be helping throw away her tissues and cuddling her even if she looked like absolute crap.
lol thought that was a cute idea.
ah well, back to work! rAR
International trade so broing >.<
~K
Thursday, August 02, 2007
An addition to the thoughts that i put on yesterday....
Lainey pointed out that gambling is also a part of gaming. And it is arguably the hardest part to deal with. Here's what she said:
It's a very interesting thought aye... I mean, I know with me... when it comes to things i think are worthwhile... my first instinct is to throw myself headfirst into it. Lol also explains why i'm an impulse shopper but that's beside the point =P
Man... why does this sorta thing always have to be so complicated =P lol
Ah well~
Cookout in abit... WOOP WOOP!
~kEn
Lainey pointed out that gambling is also a part of gaming. And it is arguably the hardest part to deal with. Here's what she said:
you wrote about gaming as a way of getting a bit of control over yourself and circumstances; but the problem is that it gets tricky because we all have the inbuilt instinct that some of the best things in life require us to stake our all in one big gamble
It's a very interesting thought aye... I mean, I know with me... when it comes to things i think are worthwhile... my first instinct is to throw myself headfirst into it. Lol also explains why i'm an impulse shopper but that's beside the point =P
Man... why does this sorta thing always have to be so complicated =P lol
Ah well~
Cookout in abit... WOOP WOOP!
~kEn
Lessons learnt
I wrote this in a poem a long time ago...
===
A pause and a crack
A tear and a breaking
of the façade
shattering Cinderella’s shoe
I see,
The irony of truth
Is that lies
are so much softer, easier
===
Lol though on a critical note, my use of the word irony may have been wrong. But that's not the point =P
Truth shatering cinderella's shoe. In a sense the fairytale is over... and I guess that's where I am right now. Lol though that said, i'm done with my moping... one day no more right! lol
What have I learnt through all this?
You know because hey, at least lessons learnt are lessons learnt.
I need to game, if only to protect myself. Truth is, gaming is not neccesarily a bad thing in that sense. Like how a gun is neither good or evil, it is the intention of the person using it that makes the difference. What i realised is that the game is essentially that. Just a tool. Though i guess it is manipulative, but... lol gotta believe that ken wouldn't abuse it.
Note this though, when i say game, i don't mean i'm going to play around with girls. Lol because i totally disagree with that and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Gaming has to do with knowing how to create and control attraction. And yes it can be done.
Truth be told its more important that i learn to control my own heart... and definately never commit it to feeling something for someone where all that's going to happen is that it... I get hurt. Hey, its good to learn right?
Man... you'd think that by now i'd have learnt that particular lesson ... but guess its taken me awhile.
Seems i've become an expert in uneven heartstrings. (yeah i still love that term... coined it ages ago =P) Not a title i take much pride in though. Lol here's what happens when you've never really knew how to deal with your heart, your emotions. Wish i could have learnt this when i was younger... man, I really am behind the pack when it comes to this area of life aye.
I personally need to grow up. Because the way i am now, I am just going to get played ya. And I'll be honest. I don't know how many times I can take that. My heart isn't the most robust of things. I'm almost afraid of how much it's going to hurt when i truly do get heartbroken. And if i was a gambling man i'd bet that it was almost inevitable that I will be heartbroken.
Lol the joys of growing up huh? =P
Never mind.
All things said though, I am pretty happy. i mean tonight was fun.. really fun. I really love flat 37... and hey Shing gave me a massage tonight (I'LL ADMIT I KINDA MADE HER =P) so really... was an awesometastic night! And than there's tommorow night to look forward to... we having a good ol fashion cookout.
So life really is good.
I guess I just wish that I had taht other thing I've been looking for.
Laters~
Ken
== To love and to be loved. No greateer thing than this can a man ask ==
===
A pause and a crack
A tear and a breaking
of the façade
shattering Cinderella’s shoe
I see,
The irony of truth
Is that lies
are so much softer, easier
===
Lol though on a critical note, my use of the word irony may have been wrong. But that's not the point =P
Truth shatering cinderella's shoe. In a sense the fairytale is over... and I guess that's where I am right now. Lol though that said, i'm done with my moping... one day no more right! lol
What have I learnt through all this?
You know because hey, at least lessons learnt are lessons learnt.
I need to game, if only to protect myself. Truth is, gaming is not neccesarily a bad thing in that sense. Like how a gun is neither good or evil, it is the intention of the person using it that makes the difference. What i realised is that the game is essentially that. Just a tool. Though i guess it is manipulative, but... lol gotta believe that ken wouldn't abuse it.
Note this though, when i say game, i don't mean i'm going to play around with girls. Lol because i totally disagree with that and I don't see that changing anytime soon. Gaming has to do with knowing how to create and control attraction. And yes it can be done.
Truth be told its more important that i learn to control my own heart... and definately never commit it to feeling something for someone where all that's going to happen is that it... I get hurt. Hey, its good to learn right?
Man... you'd think that by now i'd have learnt that particular lesson ... but guess its taken me awhile.
Seems i've become an expert in uneven heartstrings. (yeah i still love that term... coined it ages ago =P) Not a title i take much pride in though. Lol here's what happens when you've never really knew how to deal with your heart, your emotions. Wish i could have learnt this when i was younger... man, I really am behind the pack when it comes to this area of life aye.
I personally need to grow up. Because the way i am now, I am just going to get played ya. And I'll be honest. I don't know how many times I can take that. My heart isn't the most robust of things. I'm almost afraid of how much it's going to hurt when i truly do get heartbroken. And if i was a gambling man i'd bet that it was almost inevitable that I will be heartbroken.
Lol the joys of growing up huh? =P
Never mind.
All things said though, I am pretty happy. i mean tonight was fun.. really fun. I really love flat 37... and hey Shing gave me a massage tonight (I'LL ADMIT I KINDA MADE HER =P) so really... was an awesometastic night! And than there's tommorow night to look forward to... we having a good ol fashion cookout.
So life really is good.
I guess I just wish that I had taht other thing I've been looking for.
Laters~
Ken
== To love and to be loved. No greateer thing than this can a man ask ==
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Smile smile!
And the world smiles with you!
A new week is here and its painful trying to be this cheery lol
but then better cheery than down right?
EDIT: No more cocktail party... we missed out on tix cos we had class >.< sad! lol never mind, i'm sure we'll figure out something else that's fun to do =D
A new week is here and its painful trying to be this cheery lol
but then better cheery than down right?
EDIT: No more cocktail party... we missed out on tix cos we had class >.< sad! lol never mind, i'm sure we'll figure out something else that's fun to do =D
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Once upon a time....
So i was shooting hoops today, and i kinda had a mini ephiphany (lol for those who aren't so englishly inclined, an ephiphany is a sudden realisation... you know one of those lightbulb moments), and that was that I want to one day have a love story to tell my kids. A real life love story ya know.
Before i go any further this will be one of those super sappy posts that Ken does from time to time. Andre you have been warned =P On a secondary note, I do want to state that contrary to the fact that alot of what I write on me blog is about relationships and sappy stuff etc. I don't spend that much time thinking about that sorta thing. Well ok I do spend SOME, but bear in mind a blog is where you put those thoughts down... usually thoughts about emotions etc... this is what blogs are for right =P
So with the disclaimers over...
You know we live in a world where while we are forcefed this idea of what romance is... and what it should be (thank you dramas and movies). Its everywhere we look in terms of the media. Be it in sitcoms, cartoons, movies, dramas.. there is usually a subplot involving love. And usually there will be assorted romantic gestures as part of that.
But then, if we take away what we have in the media, alot of us don't seem to have any real life love stories to tell. I mean to be fair, alot of us don't even know what it really means to be in love. Goodness knows, i certainly don't. Not yet at least. Which leads me to my statement...
I want to have my own love story to tell my kids one day.
Rephrased, I want to be able to give my kids an example of what it means to be romantic... you know ... real AWWWW stuff. A story which by nature of the fact that they would obviously know the people involved would be just that much more ... i don't know... touching? Inspiring? My vocabulary is failing me at this point.
If there's one thing I'd like though, is that I would like to inspire my kids to one day expect or create romance. Because maybe what this world needs more of is romance!
Lol even if realistically, romance tends to be taking the choice that makes the least logical sense on the basis that you want to make another happy.
Frankly romance and common sense don't tend to go hand in hand....
But we love romance anyway.
As a son, I guess I've been lucky in this regard in that my dad has set a heck of an example. (though admittedly he never told us the sotry, was mum who did =P) See when mum and dad were dating, dad decided to go England to further his studies. And being who he was, he wanted mum to go with him too. Bear in mind at this point they were still kinda teens. Think mum was 18... and dad 20 something.. but i don't recall details. See dad had been given some money to go UK with (further studies and all that) but so that mum could go, he split the money with her and flew them both over.
Now mum and dad weren't very rich way back when. If anything they were just downright normal.... i mean seriously grandpa was a farmer, can't expect too much... so when they got there Dad worked odd jobs to support both him and mum.
Ok now, if you fail to seee the romance in that whole situation... well... you suck. Just that whole idea of taking what you have and splitting it so that you and your special person could stay together... and then supporting her when you guys were there. I'd call that romantic. Arguably horrendously silly in the sense it made life that much harder for him, but I know my dad does not regreat his choices.
And that's the example I want to live up to. I mean, I want to one day do something like that... lol not the exact same thing mind you (because lets face it. it's been done, i need my own story) but i want to do soemthing that would make people go... "damn... that's stupid. But ya know... it's awfully sweet..."
Can i do it?
I'd like to say I can...
and one day, i'll be sitting down with my kids....
and I'll go....
"Ya know... there was this one time....I did this one thing for your ma..."
And damn would that day be sweet.
Laters
~ken
Before i go any further this will be one of those super sappy posts that Ken does from time to time. Andre you have been warned =P On a secondary note, I do want to state that contrary to the fact that alot of what I write on me blog is about relationships and sappy stuff etc. I don't spend that much time thinking about that sorta thing. Well ok I do spend SOME, but bear in mind a blog is where you put those thoughts down... usually thoughts about emotions etc... this is what blogs are for right =P
So with the disclaimers over...
You know we live in a world where while we are forcefed this idea of what romance is... and what it should be (thank you dramas and movies). Its everywhere we look in terms of the media. Be it in sitcoms, cartoons, movies, dramas.. there is usually a subplot involving love. And usually there will be assorted romantic gestures as part of that.
But then, if we take away what we have in the media, alot of us don't seem to have any real life love stories to tell. I mean to be fair, alot of us don't even know what it really means to be in love. Goodness knows, i certainly don't. Not yet at least. Which leads me to my statement...
I want to have my own love story to tell my kids one day.
Rephrased, I want to be able to give my kids an example of what it means to be romantic... you know ... real AWWWW stuff. A story which by nature of the fact that they would obviously know the people involved would be just that much more ... i don't know... touching? Inspiring? My vocabulary is failing me at this point.
If there's one thing I'd like though, is that I would like to inspire my kids to one day expect or create romance. Because maybe what this world needs more of is romance!
Lol even if realistically, romance tends to be taking the choice that makes the least logical sense on the basis that you want to make another happy.
Frankly romance and common sense don't tend to go hand in hand....
But we love romance anyway.
As a son, I guess I've been lucky in this regard in that my dad has set a heck of an example. (though admittedly he never told us the sotry, was mum who did =P) See when mum and dad were dating, dad decided to go England to further his studies. And being who he was, he wanted mum to go with him too. Bear in mind at this point they were still kinda teens. Think mum was 18... and dad 20 something.. but i don't recall details. See dad had been given some money to go UK with (further studies and all that) but so that mum could go, he split the money with her and flew them both over.
Now mum and dad weren't very rich way back when. If anything they were just downright normal.... i mean seriously grandpa was a farmer, can't expect too much... so when they got there Dad worked odd jobs to support both him and mum.
Ok now, if you fail to seee the romance in that whole situation... well... you suck. Just that whole idea of taking what you have and splitting it so that you and your special person could stay together... and then supporting her when you guys were there. I'd call that romantic. Arguably horrendously silly in the sense it made life that much harder for him, but I know my dad does not regreat his choices.
And that's the example I want to live up to. I mean, I want to one day do something like that... lol not the exact same thing mind you (because lets face it. it's been done, i need my own story) but i want to do soemthing that would make people go... "damn... that's stupid. But ya know... it's awfully sweet..."
Can i do it?
I'd like to say I can...
and one day, i'll be sitting down with my kids....
and I'll go....
"Ya know... there was this one time....I did this one thing for your ma..."
And damn would that day be sweet.
Laters
~ken
Woop teee doo!
Well Ken's missed the first hour of his International Trade class, mainly due to a) being unable to find parking making him slightly late, and b) forgetting what room the lecture was in making him really late. Decided that instead of embaressing myself and walking in when everyone would notice i'm just going to wait for the first hour break. Gah.... sucky....
Last night was a pretty cool night ^_^ Badminton wsa the fun! Well really, i realised how cruddy i am in badminton (shush I haven't really played it seriously in the past seven years- only once in a while =P) I did enjoy it! hehe though really some of those guys really pro aye... Guess that's what happens when you play something lots !
After badminton, considering it was such an awesome night me and eva went to chill. Lol and as is the genius for randomness that i am, I decided that we should look at stars while drinking freshly made ice lemon tea! ... which btw turned out really yummy so it was a win win.
Definately a good night, just the chilling and the drinking and the mocking of one another.
Yay for buddyship!
Though we did come to certain conclusions last night, one of which was that life was really short, ya know. Like nothing is really guaranteed. We could die tommorow, or someone you know could die. What this means is that you gotta live!!!! and i'm not quite talking about getting as pissed as you can or get laid as much as possible, lol though i do know some do consider that the meaning of living.
For me, living would be doing or trying to do something different... you know so you'd have a memory! (like for example yesterday drinking ice lemon tea under the stars while freezing your legs off because you decided to go out wearing shorts and slippers...) In other words... randomness! ^_^
Well that and letting people know you care bout them... that be part of living too i think!
So on that note i'll give an internet shout out to my ppls!
To my parents.... because really, even with the bad times, i still love the both of you so so much! I owe you guys so much.... and when i get rich i'm going to pay you guys back way more than you guys gave me ^_^ Love ya both!
To my sisters... Joyce, San, Mog... Hasn't always been fun, but I love ya all! You three are all so different, but all special ya! Joyce, thanks for being my lil sis. Even if we disagree alot, i know you love me... and you know i love you. And thanks for turning me metro... lol San, thanks for the advice you've always given me... even if i'm alot of the time a bit of a hard headed moose. Mog... thanks for loving me even when i haven't always been the nicest too you.... never did tell you i appreciate you.
To my special people.... you guys rock! I mean some of you have even had to listen to me bitch... which i do from time to time =P (NOT ONE WORD... TIME TO TIME IS ACCURATE ENOUGH OK)
To Nic... we'd been friends for awhile now, and ya know what, I treasure what we have. Lol even if we will NEVER work out in a relationship, we make awesometastic friends! lol My conciensce right? (lol even if i might choose to decide on my own, i still do listen) Thanks for all the times you've listened to me and been there for me. Ken appreciates! You are a great ear nic, and even if we disagree, Ken does know you love him... and know that I do love ya too! ^_^
To Eva... Oi BUdDY when pedro going to bake you your cake? lol Thanks lady. You've been awesome fun to hang around, and while you are undeniably racist (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ASIAN GUYS G'DAMNIT) you're still one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever ever met. I mean come on... who gets annoyed at me because I make an old lady wait to park her car for a minute or two. I mean seriously..... she was in her car! Cars are comfortable enough! and it's only cos she didn't want to parralel park in the other one! GeeEEe.... lol but ya. Thanks for listening to me rant too. You're a fantastic person and Pedro's lucky to have you ya! (remember if need be, i'll break his kneecaps for you! i'll even give you a buddyship discount!)
To Andre... Ye ol scottish tosser! lol jk Andre, you're one of the more intelligent people I know, and all things aside, i'm glad that we got to know each other. Though really.... its still kinda sad that we got to know each other through ye ol internet forum. Lol You've been i guess a good person to just reflect on ideas with, not to mention a wellspring of good advice, the most notable would be: "if pissed off, pass your phone to someone else so you do not make an arse of yourself". Lol You rock mate. P.s. Bloody J*** (censorship for you =D)
To Ken Jin and Li Min... man you guys have been awesome. The older mature influence I need. I've told you guys before already but honestly I really really am grateful for the advice you guys have given me. And even with ken's evil evil sarcasm, I have learnt alot from the both of yaz. Thanks yaz ya! You guys are always appreciated... even if others might not see it. Then again, that's their loss. Idiots.... love ya both!
To Yui... what can I say. You've made my life very interesting of late... lol ^_^ but you're someone specials to me so i gotta say it too. May we get to know each other more ya!
To Laine... An ear to listen to an ear. You always have one here too ya! lol after all you've been a great ear to me too! kerhug turtle!
To Yue... Thanks ya! Lol the Fei Cai ended up being pretty cool right ;)
To Shing... you listen... you cooked... you cool! lol you're going to make someone a hell of a wife someday!
To Looi... bro i will always remember that you were the one who looked me up. You may not have thought much of it, but I do and will remember. Be strong mate...
Hmmmm and I have to get to class now... lol well this list shall be labelled as "unfinished" so if your name is not on it well its not that i don't appreciate you... lol its' just that I had to rush off ya (lol lies i know but shush =P)
Laters Skaters!
~ken
Last night was a pretty cool night ^_^ Badminton wsa the fun! Well really, i realised how cruddy i am in badminton (shush I haven't really played it seriously in the past seven years- only once in a while =P) I did enjoy it! hehe though really some of those guys really pro aye... Guess that's what happens when you play something lots !
After badminton, considering it was such an awesome night me and eva went to chill. Lol and as is the genius for randomness that i am, I decided that we should look at stars while drinking freshly made ice lemon tea! ... which btw turned out really yummy so it was a win win.
Definately a good night, just the chilling and the drinking and the mocking of one another.
Yay for buddyship!
Though we did come to certain conclusions last night, one of which was that life was really short, ya know. Like nothing is really guaranteed. We could die tommorow, or someone you know could die. What this means is that you gotta live!!!! and i'm not quite talking about getting as pissed as you can or get laid as much as possible, lol though i do know some do consider that the meaning of living.
For me, living would be doing or trying to do something different... you know so you'd have a memory! (like for example yesterday drinking ice lemon tea under the stars while freezing your legs off because you decided to go out wearing shorts and slippers...) In other words... randomness! ^_^
Well that and letting people know you care bout them... that be part of living too i think!
So on that note i'll give an internet shout out to my ppls!
To my parents.... because really, even with the bad times, i still love the both of you so so much! I owe you guys so much.... and when i get rich i'm going to pay you guys back way more than you guys gave me ^_^ Love ya both!
To my sisters... Joyce, San, Mog... Hasn't always been fun, but I love ya all! You three are all so different, but all special ya! Joyce, thanks for being my lil sis. Even if we disagree alot, i know you love me... and you know i love you. And thanks for turning me metro... lol San, thanks for the advice you've always given me... even if i'm alot of the time a bit of a hard headed moose. Mog... thanks for loving me even when i haven't always been the nicest too you.... never did tell you i appreciate you.
To my special people.... you guys rock! I mean some of you have even had to listen to me bitch... which i do from time to time =P (NOT ONE WORD... TIME TO TIME IS ACCURATE ENOUGH OK)
To Nic... we'd been friends for awhile now, and ya know what, I treasure what we have. Lol even if we will NEVER work out in a relationship, we make awesometastic friends! lol My conciensce right? (lol even if i might choose to decide on my own, i still do listen) Thanks for all the times you've listened to me and been there for me. Ken appreciates! You are a great ear nic, and even if we disagree, Ken does know you love him... and know that I do love ya too! ^_^
To Eva... Oi BUdDY when pedro going to bake you your cake? lol Thanks lady. You've been awesome fun to hang around, and while you are undeniably racist (WHAT IS WRONG WITH ASIAN GUYS G'DAMNIT) you're still one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever ever met. I mean come on... who gets annoyed at me because I make an old lady wait to park her car for a minute or two. I mean seriously..... she was in her car! Cars are comfortable enough! and it's only cos she didn't want to parralel park in the other one! GeeEEe.... lol but ya. Thanks for listening to me rant too. You're a fantastic person and Pedro's lucky to have you ya! (remember if need be, i'll break his kneecaps for you! i'll even give you a buddyship discount!)
To Andre... Ye ol scottish tosser! lol jk Andre, you're one of the more intelligent people I know, and all things aside, i'm glad that we got to know each other. Though really.... its still kinda sad that we got to know each other through ye ol internet forum. Lol You've been i guess a good person to just reflect on ideas with, not to mention a wellspring of good advice, the most notable would be: "if pissed off, pass your phone to someone else so you do not make an arse of yourself". Lol You rock mate. P.s. Bloody J*** (censorship for you =D)
To Ken Jin and Li Min... man you guys have been awesome. The older mature influence I need. I've told you guys before already but honestly I really really am grateful for the advice you guys have given me. And even with ken's evil evil sarcasm, I have learnt alot from the both of yaz. Thanks yaz ya! You guys are always appreciated... even if others might not see it. Then again, that's their loss. Idiots.... love ya both!
To Yui... what can I say. You've made my life very interesting of late... lol ^_^ but you're someone specials to me so i gotta say it too. May we get to know each other more ya!
To Laine... An ear to listen to an ear. You always have one here too ya! lol after all you've been a great ear to me too! kerhug turtle!
To Yue... Thanks ya! Lol the Fei Cai ended up being pretty cool right ;)
To Shing... you listen... you cooked... you cool! lol you're going to make someone a hell of a wife someday!
To Looi... bro i will always remember that you were the one who looked me up. You may not have thought much of it, but I do and will remember. Be strong mate...
Hmmmm and I have to get to class now... lol well this list shall be labelled as "unfinished" so if your name is not on it well its not that i don't appreciate you... lol its' just that I had to rush off ya (lol lies i know but shush =P)
Laters Skaters!
~ken
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Of good hair days, good friends and maybe a little truth
Today has been, i think all up, a good day.
To start everything off it has been a good hair day! seriously! like i got the spikes just right this morning... hehe kinda a shame that the hair was wasted, and then tonight when i fixed up my hair again it was a real cool almost-emo fringe... lol Yeah. I'm being very metro right now =P but shush, was happy! Good hair days - win
I think... today was a day of two halves. Was kidna not so happy at points, but then thanks to Nicole and Yue (note this is not Yui.. Yue is the chinese one... lol Andre got confused =P) my night ended up really good. Was down a wee bit earlier tonight to be honest, why... well i won't really say, lol mainly because while I'm all for up and up honesty, there's no point airing such things online. If you want to know what bugs ken feel free to ask. I prob will tell ya ^_^ after all, no point hiding right?
ok so i was dinnering at Nic's (she invited after all), Yue came along too... basically we kinda were catching up with one another and stuff ^_^. Nic cooked this noodle dish with chicken and some bean curdy stuff =P i ddin't eat that much because I had some chicken rice at home... MmMmmmM chicken rice! lol but i digress...
We chilled out for a while after dinner chilling and talking with Andy (nic/shing's flatmate) who's real cool aye! you know i have to say i realy do like her flatmates... lol i'll pop by more often i think! but never mind... we talked bout all sorta random stuff. lol Heck i even got to eat a yam raw, something i haven't done before =P (when i say Yam, i mean the NZ meaning of the word... you know those small red things that Yue seem to think look like dongs loL!)
We eventually went back to Nic's room where more chilling occured. Lol and singing on my part... yeah felt like singing cos wasn't in the best of moods and i guess singing helps with that. Lol though joyce does scold me when i sing... says i'm too loud =P lol but yeah... Yue made an interesting observation that I don't seem as happy as i used to be... which I guess may be quite true.
Though maybe its not so much I'm not as happy, its jsut that right now i've got alot on my plate emotionally, and to be honest, i'm still not the most adept at dealing with alot of it. Lol if only i could just not give a damn... but I don't think that's really me is it. I tend to care... and unfortunately for me... when i care bout someone they affect my emotions heaps.... lol I swear this part of me hasn't changed in years =P
Lol AH well...
so after good ol heart 2 heart, which really I've been finding i like doing =P we ended up changing topics to dancing... and Yue showed us some belly dancing =P! was cool to see actually and well we decided to get some tunes playing and do some dancing ! Yeah..dancing good... cheers ken up it does! lol actually i think by then i was already done with what had been bugging me. Already decided how i was going to deal with that little issue... ^_^
Lol we didn't dance very long but that's ok... can't wait for Sat though! Dancing time =P Prob hit the clubs after the ball as well so its looking like a good night all up!
Yosha!! Go GO dancer crew!
~happy
Ken
-PS- thanks ladies for cheering me up. ^_^ love ya both!
To start everything off it has been a good hair day! seriously! like i got the spikes just right this morning... hehe kinda a shame that the hair was wasted, and then tonight when i fixed up my hair again it was a real cool almost-emo fringe... lol Yeah. I'm being very metro right now =P but shush, was happy! Good hair days - win
I think... today was a day of two halves. Was kidna not so happy at points, but then thanks to Nicole and Yue (note this is not Yui.. Yue is the chinese one... lol Andre got confused =P) my night ended up really good. Was down a wee bit earlier tonight to be honest, why... well i won't really say, lol mainly because while I'm all for up and up honesty, there's no point airing such things online. If you want to know what bugs ken feel free to ask. I prob will tell ya ^_^ after all, no point hiding right?
ok so i was dinnering at Nic's (she invited after all), Yue came along too... basically we kinda were catching up with one another and stuff ^_^. Nic cooked this noodle dish with chicken and some bean curdy stuff =P i ddin't eat that much because I had some chicken rice at home... MmMmmmM chicken rice! lol but i digress...
We chilled out for a while after dinner chilling and talking with Andy (nic/shing's flatmate) who's real cool aye! you know i have to say i realy do like her flatmates... lol i'll pop by more often i think! but never mind... we talked bout all sorta random stuff. lol Heck i even got to eat a yam raw, something i haven't done before =P (when i say Yam, i mean the NZ meaning of the word... you know those small red things that Yue seem to think look like dongs loL!)
We eventually went back to Nic's room where more chilling occured. Lol and singing on my part... yeah felt like singing cos wasn't in the best of moods and i guess singing helps with that. Lol though joyce does scold me when i sing... says i'm too loud =P lol but yeah... Yue made an interesting observation that I don't seem as happy as i used to be... which I guess may be quite true.
Though maybe its not so much I'm not as happy, its jsut that right now i've got alot on my plate emotionally, and to be honest, i'm still not the most adept at dealing with alot of it. Lol if only i could just not give a damn... but I don't think that's really me is it. I tend to care... and unfortunately for me... when i care bout someone they affect my emotions heaps.... lol I swear this part of me hasn't changed in years =P
Lol AH well...
so after good ol heart 2 heart, which really I've been finding i like doing =P we ended up changing topics to dancing... and Yue showed us some belly dancing =P! was cool to see actually and well we decided to get some tunes playing and do some dancing ! Yeah..dancing good... cheers ken up it does! lol actually i think by then i was already done with what had been bugging me. Already decided how i was going to deal with that little issue... ^_^
Lol we didn't dance very long but that's ok... can't wait for Sat though! Dancing time =P Prob hit the clubs after the ball as well so its looking like a good night all up!
Yosha!! Go GO dancer crew!
~happy
Ken
-PS- thanks ladies for cheering me up. ^_^ love ya both!
Saturday, July 21, 2007
This is my rifle this is my gun... this is for shooting, this is for fun
Lol if anyone can recognise where that line comes from i'll give you a cookie. ^_^
Wacky title aside, just a quick thought....
Why is there a 'game'?
Why is it that those who aren't aware of the game and its nuances ends up getting played by those who do?
Why can't you just be honest with how you actually feel?
Well ok i can kinda answer the last one i guess. Because being honest kinda takes away the thrill of the chase. Because you know whether you have them or not... lol
But i suck at playing games you know...
I'm a fairly straightforward person.
I tend to be too upfront about my feelings. (gamer strike 1)
I tend to want to spoil the person i like (gamer strike 2)
I tend to consider the ones i like as special, not as a person who could easily be replaced by the next hot chick that walks by. (gamer strike 3... guess i'm out =P)
Meh... moment over. I'll reassess things at the end of the year. After all, things are always in a state of change yeah?
And truth is, i'd be dissapointed if there weren't things in my life i didn't want to better and improve.
Yay to never being the same!
Anyways I think i've written too much about relationships. Guess of late its been on my mind lots... lol even if admittedly there are more important things i gotta figure out.
(though as Andre said, "in the end, it always comes back to being about the girl" lol)
Guess most presing is the question of what happens next for me? Well kinda 'next'. More correctly what happens at the end of next year... well technically 3 months into 2009. Lol... i graduate end of next year, then i have 3 months of profs (so ken can FINALLy call himself a lawyer). then after that... I have NO idea what i'm going to do.
There are a couple of options avaliable i guess... but I am kinda holding off making the decision till at least the end of the year. Certain things have to be figured out first after all lol
Though just for conversation sake, here are my options.
1) Go back Msia and find an earning there (yuck)
2) Go get me a MBA in either the US or UK. mum wants me to get this because it'll help me heaps with my job prospects after... i'm just not sure quite yet. Though this is a very strong possibility.
3) Go find me a job in a bigger city... aka possibly probably sydney.... lol ok that's my excuse alright. It's FOR A JOB OK... really.... (shush) Well at least for something that has alot to do with my future =P
Either way, as they say all roads lead to rome... and i still need to figure out how i'm going to get myself financially independant. Lol people who say money is not important do not realise that we live in a world where money is essential. Earning absolute bucketloads of it may not be.... but truth be told, i'd like to have the buckets. Being able to do what I want because i have the monetary means appeals to me. Getting to that point on the other hand requires some careful consideration. (and just on the note... money is really important to relationships too you know. well more marraiges.... many marraige issues can be traced to money... usually the lack of .... but you get the idea)
I still want to see the world though.....
Laters~
Ken
Wacky title aside, just a quick thought....
Why is there a 'game'?
Why is it that those who aren't aware of the game and its nuances ends up getting played by those who do?
Why can't you just be honest with how you actually feel?
Well ok i can kinda answer the last one i guess. Because being honest kinda takes away the thrill of the chase. Because you know whether you have them or not... lol
But i suck at playing games you know...
I'm a fairly straightforward person.
I tend to be too upfront about my feelings. (gamer strike 1)
I tend to want to spoil the person i like (gamer strike 2)
I tend to consider the ones i like as special, not as a person who could easily be replaced by the next hot chick that walks by. (gamer strike 3... guess i'm out =P)
Meh... moment over. I'll reassess things at the end of the year. After all, things are always in a state of change yeah?
And truth is, i'd be dissapointed if there weren't things in my life i didn't want to better and improve.
Yay to never being the same!
Anyways I think i've written too much about relationships. Guess of late its been on my mind lots... lol even if admittedly there are more important things i gotta figure out.
(though as Andre said, "in the end, it always comes back to being about the girl" lol)
Guess most presing is the question of what happens next for me? Well kinda 'next'. More correctly what happens at the end of next year... well technically 3 months into 2009. Lol... i graduate end of next year, then i have 3 months of profs (so ken can FINALLy call himself a lawyer). then after that... I have NO idea what i'm going to do.
There are a couple of options avaliable i guess... but I am kinda holding off making the decision till at least the end of the year. Certain things have to be figured out first after all lol
Though just for conversation sake, here are my options.
1) Go back Msia and find an earning there (yuck)
2) Go get me a MBA in either the US or UK. mum wants me to get this because it'll help me heaps with my job prospects after... i'm just not sure quite yet. Though this is a very strong possibility.
3) Go find me a job in a bigger city... aka possibly probably sydney.... lol ok that's my excuse alright. It's FOR A JOB OK... really.... (shush) Well at least for something that has alot to do with my future =P
Either way, as they say all roads lead to rome... and i still need to figure out how i'm going to get myself financially independant. Lol people who say money is not important do not realise that we live in a world where money is essential. Earning absolute bucketloads of it may not be.... but truth be told, i'd like to have the buckets. Being able to do what I want because i have the monetary means appeals to me. Getting to that point on the other hand requires some careful consideration. (and just on the note... money is really important to relationships too you know. well more marraiges.... many marraige issues can be traced to money... usually the lack of .... but you get the idea)
I still want to see the world though.....
Laters~
Ken
Thursday, July 19, 2007
We the walking wounded
You know if i was ever going to make one sweeping generalisation about people in general, it would be simply this, that the majority of people in this world, save for a lucky few, are all walking wounded. As in, everyone's got their baggage, and quite frankly... alot of us just don't know what to do with it.
On a side note, its fitting that its raining outside today. Very Fitting.
Its strange really, I mean as having shit happen to you, I guess I got off pretty light (as compared to some of the stories I've heard from people). And after hearing... well quite a few stories really, i've come to one conclusion. For the most part I really cannot understand another person's pain. And in that same line of thought, no one is really going to be able to understand the pain that I personally would go through.
We can empathise, we can feel just a little (if we try) of another person's pain, but to truly understand it? Unless you can say you've gone through the exact same event, with the same circumstances, with the same frame of mind....
See why i say its impossible for another person to truly understand another's pain?
But then that does not mean that we as people can't help those that have hurts. That we as people can't help a person with their scars. Just, we can't ever truly heal a person. Not by our willpower... no matter how earnest we are.... no matter how much we may truly care about the person. We can never force a person to be well.
All we can really do is let the person know its ok to be messed up. That its ok to be just that little bit broken. That even if they act silly because of that brokeness, we uinderstand and will continue being there for them. Though honestly this does not mean giving hurt people a free pass to acting like absolute brats or bitches (take your pick of word =P whichever applies better :D)
In essence be a shoulder for them to lean on when they can't stand...
the person holding them while they cry their eyes out...
The person pushing them to stand again after they've broken down..
And the person who loves them no matter how many times they need to go through this process.
Because frankly, we are going to need that too.
~later
Ken
(if i could take away your pain, i would. I really really would)
On a side note, its fitting that its raining outside today. Very Fitting.
Its strange really, I mean as having shit happen to you, I guess I got off pretty light (as compared to some of the stories I've heard from people). And after hearing... well quite a few stories really, i've come to one conclusion. For the most part I really cannot understand another person's pain. And in that same line of thought, no one is really going to be able to understand the pain that I personally would go through.
We can empathise, we can feel just a little (if we try) of another person's pain, but to truly understand it? Unless you can say you've gone through the exact same event, with the same circumstances, with the same frame of mind....
See why i say its impossible for another person to truly understand another's pain?
But then that does not mean that we as people can't help those that have hurts. That we as people can't help a person with their scars. Just, we can't ever truly heal a person. Not by our willpower... no matter how earnest we are.... no matter how much we may truly care about the person. We can never force a person to be well.
All we can really do is let the person know its ok to be messed up. That its ok to be just that little bit broken. That even if they act silly because of that brokeness, we uinderstand and will continue being there for them. Though honestly this does not mean giving hurt people a free pass to acting like absolute brats or bitches (take your pick of word =P whichever applies better :D)
In essence be a shoulder for them to lean on when they can't stand...
the person holding them while they cry their eyes out...
The person pushing them to stand again after they've broken down..
And the person who loves them no matter how many times they need to go through this process.
Because frankly, we are going to need that too.
~later
Ken
(if i could take away your pain, i would. I really really would)
Monday, July 16, 2007
Quick update
guess law ball not happening for me this year... gahh kinda gutting. Everyone else bailed cos of price.. and i can understand that but blech.
Sucks..
well at least the gameshow ball looks good...
and Malam Malaysia should be awesome. 50th aniversary and all..
Sucks..
well at least the gameshow ball looks good...
and Malam Malaysia should be awesome. 50th aniversary and all..
Lyric time- The kill- 30 Seconds to Mars
The Kill
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?(Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life.
What would you do?(Do,do)
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now: this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down
What if I wanted to break...? (You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? I'm not running from you...)
What if I, what if I, what if I... (bury me, bury me)
====
What can i say... the lyrics are sufficiently emo, but I really do like them. Lol guess I'll never really stop having that part of me that is somewhat emo =P
What if I wanted to break
Laugh it all off in your face
What would you do?(Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh)
What if I fell to the floor
Couldn't take this anymore
What would you do, do, do?
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
What if I wanted to fight
Beg for the rest of my life.
What would you do?(Do,do)
You say you wanted more
What are you waiting for
I'm not running from you
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change
I know now: this is who I really am inside
Finally found myself
Fighting for a chance
I know now, THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM
Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh
Come, break me down
Bury me, bury me
I am finished with you, you, you
Look in my eyes
You're killing me, killing me
All I wanted was you
Come, break me down
Break me down
Break me down
What if I wanted to break...? (You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? I'm not running from you...)
What if I, what if I, what if I... (bury me, bury me)
====
What can i say... the lyrics are sufficiently emo, but I really do like them. Lol guess I'll never really stop having that part of me that is somewhat emo =P
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Lyrics - innuendo - Belaian jiwa
Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Beauty no more do I think of you
Sayang kau hilang
Unfortunately you’ve gone
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
I will be waiting till the end of my life in this earth
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the angels can replace you
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
It’s fate that determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the carress of the soul
Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
Oh wind, send my song to her
yang sedih pilu
Which is full of sadness
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Take my song as your life companion
Untuk selamanya
For eternity
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the angcan replace you
Hanya takdir
Only fate
Menentukan ia
Determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the carress of the soul
Beauty no more do I think of you
Sayang kau hilang
Unfortunately you’ve gone
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
I will be waiting till the end of my life in this earth
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the angels can replace you
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
It’s fate that determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the carress of the soul
Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
Oh wind, send my song to her
yang sedih pilu
Which is full of sadness
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Take my song as your life companion
Untuk selamanya
For eternity
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
You know how much I love you
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Only the angcan replace you
Hanya takdir
Only fate
Menentukan ia
Determines it
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh the carress of the soul
Testing testing one two three....
Ok i'm writing again.
Why?
Well maybe because its good for me to write more often. More than that, i'm hoping this... well semi-enforced period of writing productivity (i just resisted the urge to use literary... because big words which don't do anything more than sound big are not so usefull yes?)
It's been quite an eventful week really, but due to the fact I a) can't be bothered to go through EVERYTHING and b) can't remember everything, i'll pick out the highpoints/lowpoints/point of interests and go from there. Should rambling occur along the way and i get horrendously horrendously sidetracked.. wel you have been warned :P
Sooooooo what has happened this week?
You know... I've not had a very "normal" week in terms of sleeping times aye. Lemme think... Monday i slept at 5 (convos into early in the morning are the way to go y'all!... hehe not really but was nice), tuesday... frig i can't remember what i did on tuesday lol... wednesday/thursday was at hamner so sleep was OBVIOUSLY not happening. I mean frankly, thursday i only got 2 hours so... ya know -_-;;... friday... lol i don't remember what happened friday. oh wait... slept at 4 methinks..saturday ... heheh got to bed round 5. But was a fun night all up. I'll go into what happened on saturday in abit. But yeah... good night all round. Educational too. ^_^
So really all up... i haven't gotten a proper night's sleep in awhile aye... then again i spent most of today sleeping so it probably balances out =P
hehehe
such be the life of student on holiday!
Random thought... i really like Icebox (remix) aye... it's got such a nice beat/melody. It's kinda like why i love Cupid from 112. It's the mixture of beat and melody that gets to me... You know actually i think i'll take this opportunity to go on a little tangent about music. There are just some songs that when you hear... it just moves ya aye. For me there are a couple of songs that always do get to me.
Blurry- Puddle of Mudd
One of my all time favourite songs ever. Seriously, i absolutely love this song. Lol its served me well aye.. especially during my emo stage. I'll say though, alot about this song i can totally understand. The feeling of being so preoccupied with a person... the feelings of not really knowing how to deal with that person... and the hurt that comes from that. I can understand that. Lol this song definately got alot of play time when i was feeling all hurt and rejected (and there's been a couple of times =P)
You got it bad - Usher
Man.. this used to be the one song that make me feel all lovesick and stuff. Hehe... i think it goes without saying why I like this song. Real nostalgia value here... lol wonder if i'll ever really 'have it bad'. Maybe. I seem to lean towards that aye... =P
Can you stand the rain - Boys 2 Men
One of the few accapella songs i have, and damn if its not one of my faves. Honestly... i can still remember the one time I was sitting in my car in the law carpark listening to this song as the rain hammered down outside. Was so fitting... helped that at the time i was thinking bout love and stuff ... i think lol i don't recall details. But this song definately one i love.
Quick lyric time =P
"Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain? "
Hmmm i think i'll stop here for the songs... lol i could go through heaps of songs that mean something to me. Lol and i still haven't written about what's happened this week aye lol
Ok back to the point..
Hamner was cool. I think on the whole it was pretty well done. Organisation could have been a little better but that's ok. I think really for me highpoint was going up the mountain at night. It's been so long since i last seen the milky way aye... quite frankly it's just not often i get a chance to be in a place where there is no light pollution... and the sky was quite frankly perfect for stargazing. not a cloud.... man... it was soo beautiful. More than that though was going up higher into the mountain and seeing the snow. Man.... there's soemthing really beautiful about snow.... and it's surprisingly fun to jump into.... lol though i didn't get much chance to jump in much... when we tried to see who could jump the furthest i whacked my ankle.. the same one that got twisted last last month.. *(can't believe that its still not 100%... pain in the arse). Still wholy wholy enjoyable it was. Wish we could have gone higher but that's ok. Snow + stars + drawing in snow = win.
Playing osaka rules for Big 2 till six in the morning with James and Joanna was really cool too! not to meantion being able to catch up with Huei Yin...
Yeah was a worthwhile trip.
Next cool point is that Laine visited! granted she's gone down south already, it's always nice seeing a friend you grew up with. Man seriously...if i think about it.. i technically have known her since primary 1... that's like... when i was 9? I think she was in kindy as well but i don't recall her then lol
Sheesh... that's a long time to know soemone... granted i only got to really know her after i left. Lol life is funny soemtimes lol
Moving on... yesterday 9saturday) night was really fun. Started off with Crowne plaza... man... good music, good sandwiches, good ice cream, good company... seriously was one of the better dates i've been on. Clubbing after was ok, but really best part of the night was still crowne plaza. Good for the memories ^_^ hehehe
on a random point i know how to massage a little better now =D always a bonus!
Yeah, there be other things that've gone on that i haven't said.. but you know, it's not good to write EVERYTHING that's happened onlnie. lol just not very prudent is it.... guy's gotta keep some secrets ;)
I'll end this post here.
~k
P.S. - CAN'T WAIT FOR LAW BALL! getting tickets tommorow... yui you better be able to go ! i'll be so dissapointed if you can't aye...
Why?
Well maybe because its good for me to write more often. More than that, i'm hoping this... well semi-enforced period of writing productivity (i just resisted the urge to use literary... because big words which don't do anything more than sound big are not so usefull yes?)
It's been quite an eventful week really, but due to the fact I a) can't be bothered to go through EVERYTHING and b) can't remember everything, i'll pick out the highpoints/lowpoints/point of interests and go from there. Should rambling occur along the way and i get horrendously horrendously sidetracked.. wel you have been warned :P
Sooooooo what has happened this week?
You know... I've not had a very "normal" week in terms of sleeping times aye. Lemme think... Monday i slept at 5 (convos into early in the morning are the way to go y'all!... hehe not really but was nice), tuesday... frig i can't remember what i did on tuesday lol... wednesday/thursday was at hamner so sleep was OBVIOUSLY not happening. I mean frankly, thursday i only got 2 hours so... ya know -_-;;... friday... lol i don't remember what happened friday. oh wait... slept at 4 methinks..saturday ... heheh got to bed round 5. But was a fun night all up. I'll go into what happened on saturday in abit. But yeah... good night all round. Educational too. ^_^
So really all up... i haven't gotten a proper night's sleep in awhile aye... then again i spent most of today sleeping so it probably balances out =P
hehehe
such be the life of student on holiday!
Random thought... i really like Icebox (remix) aye... it's got such a nice beat/melody. It's kinda like why i love Cupid from 112. It's the mixture of beat and melody that gets to me... You know actually i think i'll take this opportunity to go on a little tangent about music. There are just some songs that when you hear... it just moves ya aye. For me there are a couple of songs that always do get to me.
Blurry- Puddle of Mudd
One of my all time favourite songs ever. Seriously, i absolutely love this song. Lol its served me well aye.. especially during my emo stage. I'll say though, alot about this song i can totally understand. The feeling of being so preoccupied with a person... the feelings of not really knowing how to deal with that person... and the hurt that comes from that. I can understand that. Lol this song definately got alot of play time when i was feeling all hurt and rejected (and there's been a couple of times =P)
You got it bad - Usher
Man.. this used to be the one song that make me feel all lovesick and stuff. Hehe... i think it goes without saying why I like this song. Real nostalgia value here... lol wonder if i'll ever really 'have it bad'. Maybe. I seem to lean towards that aye... =P
Can you stand the rain - Boys 2 Men
One of the few accapella songs i have, and damn if its not one of my faves. Honestly... i can still remember the one time I was sitting in my car in the law carpark listening to this song as the rain hammered down outside. Was so fitting... helped that at the time i was thinking bout love and stuff ... i think lol i don't recall details. But this song definately one i love.
Quick lyric time =P
"Sunny days, everybody loves them
Tell me
Can you stand the rain? "
Hmmm i think i'll stop here for the songs... lol i could go through heaps of songs that mean something to me. Lol and i still haven't written about what's happened this week aye lol
Ok back to the point..
Hamner was cool. I think on the whole it was pretty well done. Organisation could have been a little better but that's ok. I think really for me highpoint was going up the mountain at night. It's been so long since i last seen the milky way aye... quite frankly it's just not often i get a chance to be in a place where there is no light pollution... and the sky was quite frankly perfect for stargazing. not a cloud.... man... it was soo beautiful. More than that though was going up higher into the mountain and seeing the snow. Man.... there's soemthing really beautiful about snow.... and it's surprisingly fun to jump into.... lol though i didn't get much chance to jump in much... when we tried to see who could jump the furthest i whacked my ankle.. the same one that got twisted last last month.. *(can't believe that its still not 100%... pain in the arse). Still wholy wholy enjoyable it was. Wish we could have gone higher but that's ok. Snow + stars + drawing in snow = win.
Playing osaka rules for Big 2 till six in the morning with James and Joanna was really cool too! not to meantion being able to catch up with Huei Yin...
Yeah was a worthwhile trip.
Next cool point is that Laine visited! granted she's gone down south already, it's always nice seeing a friend you grew up with. Man seriously...if i think about it.. i technically have known her since primary 1... that's like... when i was 9? I think she was in kindy as well but i don't recall her then lol
Sheesh... that's a long time to know soemone... granted i only got to really know her after i left. Lol life is funny soemtimes lol
Moving on... yesterday 9saturday) night was really fun. Started off with Crowne plaza... man... good music, good sandwiches, good ice cream, good company... seriously was one of the better dates i've been on. Clubbing after was ok, but really best part of the night was still crowne plaza. Good for the memories ^_^ hehehe
on a random point i know how to massage a little better now =D always a bonus!
Yeah, there be other things that've gone on that i haven't said.. but you know, it's not good to write EVERYTHING that's happened onlnie. lol just not very prudent is it.... guy's gotta keep some secrets ;)
I'll end this post here.
~k
P.S. - CAN'T WAIT FOR LAW BALL! getting tickets tommorow... yui you better be able to go ! i'll be so dissapointed if you can't aye...
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Life ... Oh life... woop!
Ok, it's
(which also unfortunately means my closet still remains unsorted >.
So decided to post about something that's been on my mind. Basically that life really is filled with great big coincidences... ya know things that when you look back make you realise just how random everything can be.
now... see i know
Lol but thats a sidetrack.
SO on the night we head off to timezone (after picking up miss thousand-words-an-hour) to meet her friend (though to be absolutely honest, i was more interested in the too spicy gun game at Timezone. Me and Eva just discovered it and its the fun! though i got my butt handed to me by Eva so maybe that night wasn't so much fun)
ANYWAYS, guess who the friend was?
Yep... it was Yui. Now here's a little snippet of info i found out about that.. Yui had only really met
See CoincIdence! and yes I did capitalise the I. This isn't exactly an article in the New York Times. i don't have to stick with the basic rules of english grammar.
So to sum it up... if the idea to randomly karaoke hadn't happened at the beggining of the year, i'd have never gotten to know that Eva and I got along..... which would have meant i'd have never gotten to know
Interesting huh? just how sometimes things just kinda happen.
Of course the cruddiest thing is that Yui's leaving, so there's no happiness there (THUS my saying that God has a sense of humour- actually joyce said this today "Awww poor ken. You finally get a pretty girl and she's leaving"... or soemthing like that. Because reading that joyce doesn't really talk like that =P lol but you get the gist of it.)
But never mind, this post isn't about how much life makes me want to bitch.... lol it's about coincidences and how things do seem to happen for a reason. (then again thinking honestly about it, the timing of how everything happened is fine. I'm not the guy i was at the beggining of the year... trust me, I've come a LONG LONG way since then.... i'll write about how i've changed next time =P eheheh. The point being that had i met Yui earlier in the year... i'd have prob messed it up. so ^_^ guess all good anyway~)
So waht's the greater philosophical discussion about there being... "fate?" Honestly.... i couldn't say, on the basis tat i have no intention of being some great philospher. Frankly i'm only a guy who should be graduating with both degrees this year, but instead has to take another year. Yeah.. its my own fault... I take responsibility for it. Frankly Ken has been a horrible student. he's doing better now, but frankly could be ALOT bettter.... btu i digress... something for another post that be.
I guess if there is one thing I'd take from all this is that knowing that there is something guiding the happenings is comforting. Like there's a greater reason for some things happening. I will say this though, sometimes things happen which I can't say there's a greater purpose to. Something that christians occasioanlly get wrong. Remember reading this once on some american dude's blog.
====
I'll give you perfect example. I had a conversation with a former friend in high school. We got into the arguement about women and rape.
"So you believe a woman who is rape and gets pregant should have the baby?"
"Obviously, because God wants her to have a child."
The FUCK?! God wanted her to be raped just to knock her up?
My fist still hurts on occasion from punching him!
===
I will say this. While i believe somethings in life are set, some things in life i don't want to believe are decided by whatever is out there. I detest rape. And will never say its part of a higher purpose for soemone to get raped.
I guess on that point, i can't really pick and choose what aspects of life i like and dislike. if i believe in fate than do I have to believe that all things happen for a reason? ALL things (including if soemone gets raped) I don't know.
I guess all up, i'll stick wth life is one big coincidence. (which is a cop out =P but i said ths wasn't going to be some deep philosphical argument right :P so rar!)
Laters ppl, will post once i get back from Hamnet
~K
(for the record... if anyone was to ever do something like raping someone i cared about... God save them if i find them. You better believe that Ken would never ever let something like that go. NEVER. )
Sunday, July 08, 2007
A sign of the times? Of love thoughts and a catchup of the year
Ok, it's been a frigging long time since i've actually posted so i figure i'll make this a good one. Guess it'll be good to put into words the things that be on my mind. Well aside from my seemingly deteriorating vocabulary... DAMN YOU TELEVISION AND YOU AMERICAN HUMOUR!
Well i tried to write poetry tonight.. and as it would seem, i can't seem to get the sort of fluidity that i used to be capable of. You know sad to say i can still remember the time whetre within an hour i could write a poem i was happy with. Tonight all i came up with is something i scrapped becuase it was equivalent to the writing capability of a fifteen year old.
Yeha on taht front i can't say much progress has been had =P
Moving on, so i started reading my old blog posts, and you know what... apart from being a whiny lil bitch in some of them, i really was quite eloquent. makes a guy want to write a little bit it does. And yes, i know that isn't shall we say, perfect oxford grammar, but law school hasn't satrted again yet so grammar isn't a requirement.. not quite yet at least lol
Of the posts that kinda made me think the most were the ones about what I want for mysef... and the ones about relationships. Both topics I'm planning on updating tonight.
And as these thigns go, while relationships are certainly not the most important, they are the most entertaining to consider.
The question is then... what do i want and what has changed?
You know on this point i do find that i've changed abit.
I want .....
Someone who understands me... how you'd elaborate more on that is kinda beyond me. lol I'd have thought that'd be fairly self explantory.
Someone who's cute. Ok lets say this first and foremost. I am not a shallow person. it's just taht the physical attraction thing DOES matter people. At least in the beggining. Plus really... if a person is cute makes liking them that much easier =P
Someone who is a good person inside. Now this is horrendously vauge i know. But i've found that some people really are attractive because of the good they have within them. You know... like... they are just genuinely nice people. That is something that is in my opinion absolutely precious.
Someone who wants to be a good mother. Because frankly my dream is to be a good father... and a good father has to admit that he won't be very good at his job if he doesn't have someone who's a good mother by his side.
Someone who i can talk to. Ok this really is self explanatory. Kinda related to being understood. Communication = win!
Someone who can be my emotional strength. Was just thinking about this today when driving that while in alot of cases, men are the ones who (in terms of general roles), protect and care for the women, the women tend to be the ones who support the men, especially in the emotional side of the equasion. Basically someone who can stand by you and let you know that she's there for you.
Someone I can protect. General role of men aside... I want this. I want to be able to protect and care for someone. Think its been burned into my personality... I have to say i really love that whole idea. That you are someone's strength (the other side to the previous point. )
Someone who is affectionate. Ken likes hugs and kisses. Nuff said lol
Someone who is adventerous. or at least capable of randomness. I don't know how many times i've just gone... Yep lets do something. She'll have to be up for that lol like going for midnight drives to the beach just cos we can. Though i prob will never do "lets go see sunrise at akaroa" ever agian >.<
Someone i can trust. I think this goes without saying but may as well list it out because frankly trust really is what relatinoships are made of. If that is broken... well its not easily replaced.
Quite a list huh.... lol
So here's the second part. What is it that I can offer to her because I think its only fair.
(and really because the classic lines are really the best)
I'll be the man who catches her tears, my shoulders already wet with the ones that i've missed.
I'll be the man who supports her in the dreams that she wants for herself. I'm not going to be such a small little man that the only dreams that matter in the relationship are mine. Thats just not me.
I'll be loyal. Never betray... i think that's a good motto.
I'll protect her to the best of my abilities. Well kinda already gone through that one...
I'll keep improving myself. Because really, I know my flaws better than anyone on this earth. And honestly I have no intention of just accepting the way I am now as "good enough". Only scared little people refuse to change. I have no intention of being a scared little man.
I'll always listen. Because honestly listening is still one of the things I do best.
I'll try my best to understand her. Its only fair after all. (and to be honest, i like understanding how people work anyway)
I will be honest. Yeah i don't have to explain this do i?
lol
All and all i'd say that's a pretty good trade. I am who I am, and she will be who she will be. But yeah... its really interesting to see how expreince has changed my perspectives. It's still kinda a foggy picture, but its getting that little bit clearer.
Ya know this getting quite long lol... ah well... onto the next point!
What is it I want for myself? Like my dreams... my vision.
This i think has changed a wee bit... but i guess ultimately not that much at all.
I want to be significant. That would be my dream in its most simplest form. I don't want to be just another person... I'm not being arrogant here though. I believe everyone has potential to be someone significant. To at least do something in their lives that means something. Honestly, one of the greatest tragedies i feel about the world today is that people accept such average lives. They don't try to acheive something... to utilize their potential... i don't know. Guess being just another joe bloggs is not something I want for myself. Don't want to let my life be a stone that makes no ripples. Becasue that'd be sad.
I want.... to get into investments!!!! seriously. I mean if i can't get into investment banking, I will one day have my own investment portfolio. Seriously... the finance market is soemthing I've wanted to get into for ages aye....
I want... to run my own business. Because I think i'd like the challange of making a business work... and more than taht suceeding in it.
I want... to be a good father. a damn good father. (and a husband at that i might add lol) Its something I've wanted since I was 18 and i don't see that changing. Want to raise a family i'd be proud of. That God would be proud of.
I want... to help people. This ties into the significance thing i said before. Really this does have alot to do with legacy.... what people will think of you when you're gone. And more than that, what you leave behind when you die.
I want... ultimately to be used by God. This DEFINATELY ties into significance. And i think everything else i've said before has to come under this. Rar
So what does all this mean?
Probably taht I have alot to do. lol To quote Andre, If you want something you're going to have to go and do it yourself. Things won't just fall into your lap.
A fact i remembered today... and soemthing I do not intend to forget anytime soon.
Ok that should be enough from me tonight ^_^
G'nite all
=Ken
Well i tried to write poetry tonight.. and as it would seem, i can't seem to get the sort of fluidity that i used to be capable of. You know sad to say i can still remember the time whetre within an hour i could write a poem i was happy with. Tonight all i came up with is something i scrapped becuase it was equivalent to the writing capability of a fifteen year old.
Yeha on taht front i can't say much progress has been had =P
Moving on, so i started reading my old blog posts, and you know what... apart from being a whiny lil bitch in some of them, i really was quite eloquent. makes a guy want to write a little bit it does. And yes, i know that isn't shall we say, perfect oxford grammar, but law school hasn't satrted again yet so grammar isn't a requirement.. not quite yet at least lol
Of the posts that kinda made me think the most were the ones about what I want for mysef... and the ones about relationships. Both topics I'm planning on updating tonight.
And as these thigns go, while relationships are certainly not the most important, they are the most entertaining to consider.
The question is then... what do i want and what has changed?
You know on this point i do find that i've changed abit.
I want .....
Someone who understands me... how you'd elaborate more on that is kinda beyond me. lol I'd have thought that'd be fairly self explantory.
Someone who's cute. Ok lets say this first and foremost. I am not a shallow person. it's just taht the physical attraction thing DOES matter people. At least in the beggining. Plus really... if a person is cute makes liking them that much easier =P
Someone who is a good person inside. Now this is horrendously vauge i know. But i've found that some people really are attractive because of the good they have within them. You know... like... they are just genuinely nice people. That is something that is in my opinion absolutely precious.
Someone who wants to be a good mother. Because frankly my dream is to be a good father... and a good father has to admit that he won't be very good at his job if he doesn't have someone who's a good mother by his side.
Someone who i can talk to. Ok this really is self explanatory. Kinda related to being understood. Communication = win!
Someone who can be my emotional strength. Was just thinking about this today when driving that while in alot of cases, men are the ones who (in terms of general roles), protect and care for the women, the women tend to be the ones who support the men, especially in the emotional side of the equasion. Basically someone who can stand by you and let you know that she's there for you.
Someone I can protect. General role of men aside... I want this. I want to be able to protect and care for someone. Think its been burned into my personality... I have to say i really love that whole idea. That you are someone's strength (the other side to the previous point. )
Someone who is affectionate. Ken likes hugs and kisses. Nuff said lol
Someone who is adventerous. or at least capable of randomness. I don't know how many times i've just gone... Yep lets do something. She'll have to be up for that lol like going for midnight drives to the beach just cos we can. Though i prob will never do "lets go see sunrise at akaroa" ever agian >.<
Someone i can trust. I think this goes without saying but may as well list it out because frankly trust really is what relatinoships are made of. If that is broken... well its not easily replaced.
Quite a list huh.... lol
So here's the second part. What is it that I can offer to her because I think its only fair.
(and really because the classic lines are really the best)
I'll be the man who catches her tears, my shoulders already wet with the ones that i've missed.
I'll be the man who supports her in the dreams that she wants for herself. I'm not going to be such a small little man that the only dreams that matter in the relationship are mine. Thats just not me.
I'll be loyal. Never betray... i think that's a good motto.
I'll protect her to the best of my abilities. Well kinda already gone through that one...
I'll keep improving myself. Because really, I know my flaws better than anyone on this earth. And honestly I have no intention of just accepting the way I am now as "good enough". Only scared little people refuse to change. I have no intention of being a scared little man.
I'll always listen. Because honestly listening is still one of the things I do best.
I'll try my best to understand her. Its only fair after all. (and to be honest, i like understanding how people work anyway)
I will be honest. Yeah i don't have to explain this do i?
lol
All and all i'd say that's a pretty good trade. I am who I am, and she will be who she will be. But yeah... its really interesting to see how expreince has changed my perspectives. It's still kinda a foggy picture, but its getting that little bit clearer.
Ya know this getting quite long lol... ah well... onto the next point!
What is it I want for myself? Like my dreams... my vision.
This i think has changed a wee bit... but i guess ultimately not that much at all.
I want to be significant. That would be my dream in its most simplest form. I don't want to be just another person... I'm not being arrogant here though. I believe everyone has potential to be someone significant. To at least do something in their lives that means something. Honestly, one of the greatest tragedies i feel about the world today is that people accept such average lives. They don't try to acheive something... to utilize their potential... i don't know. Guess being just another joe bloggs is not something I want for myself. Don't want to let my life be a stone that makes no ripples. Becasue that'd be sad.
I want.... to get into investments!!!! seriously. I mean if i can't get into investment banking, I will one day have my own investment portfolio. Seriously... the finance market is soemthing I've wanted to get into for ages aye....
I want... to run my own business. Because I think i'd like the challange of making a business work... and more than taht suceeding in it.
I want... to be a good father. a damn good father. (and a husband at that i might add lol) Its something I've wanted since I was 18 and i don't see that changing. Want to raise a family i'd be proud of. That God would be proud of.
I want... to help people. This ties into the significance thing i said before. Really this does have alot to do with legacy.... what people will think of you when you're gone. And more than that, what you leave behind when you die.
I want... ultimately to be used by God. This DEFINATELY ties into significance. And i think everything else i've said before has to come under this. Rar
So what does all this mean?
Probably taht I have alot to do. lol To quote Andre, If you want something you're going to have to go and do it yourself. Things won't just fall into your lap.
A fact i remembered today... and soemthing I do not intend to forget anytime soon.
Ok that should be enough from me tonight ^_^
G'nite all
=Ken
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