Vision Statement

Because i'm procrastinating and everybody needs a vision statement.

=====

My short term goal: Do reasonably well ( or as well as last minute work will allow me to do) in exams. Pray more, spend more time with the big dude. Get... reasonably fit... (sigh the hardest i'd say =P)

My mid term goal: Learn how to run a business, and run a succesful business. Study at Mosaic, then Mars Hill Church. Go to Toronto. Memorise the bible. Raise a God fearing family. (be rich =P but that's mre a side thing. it's not really that important)

Long term goal: Be used by God in whatever way he calls me to. Publish a book. ministry.... if possible. I want to end my life serving God...... If i had a choice, I would like to die in ministry. Closing my eyes and going home after my final messege.

My ultimate goal: To be able to face Jesus when I die and say that while I may not have done the best possible job, I did my best. That... I allowed myself to be used by God. Lil ol insignificant, imperfect me.


That is my dream. My wish.

What i want is to see people live with a reason, a purpose. Something bigger than themselves. I want to see God touch people, break chains, set them free. I want ..... people to not to have to cry anymore, to not feel alone anymore, to...... to know that there is something, a meaning to their existance.

I want... my whole family to worship God. Now he has to do a miracle with dad....

I want to be used.




I am but mud and clay, sand and ashes. But I know he uses the broken, imperfect ones to do his will.... may that be the story of my life. That I wasn't good enough, but God was.

SNIP SNIP

some heartstrings were cut today.

The little boy inside asks in that little boy way of his... "can anybody see me?"


I hear him and think that he's wasting his time and my emotions.


Themes do recur

Identity crisis...

I have an identity crisis.

But the thing is, it's not to my identity.

My question is who is this person that I'm supposed to find, the proverbial 'one'. I guess it's fitting i'd consider the topic now, it being spring and all. It is the season of luv after all.

So who is she?

See, without having actually met her, i probably can't say for sure. All i'd have are what i'm looking for in a person. Though that said, predating this whole line of thought is the question, do i actually want someone?

I can't answer that fully yet. I mean, I of course would like someone special ... but now? I think that's the million dollar question. It's a strange thing really. i mean not too long ago I had the opportunity to go out with someone. THe thing was.... I didn't want to. It seemed to much of a hassle to have to accomodate someone else into my mannerisms, my routines. Not to mention my time... which granted is exceedingly self centered... still it was how i felt.

It's an irony considering not long before that i had thought that I was "ready" for a relationship. Maybe that was just a reflection of the fact that the girl was not really someone who i'd really consider special? I don't know.

Now?

I mean the classic answer is that "if i meet that someone special"... but i think that's a dodge if i ever saw one. In all honesty, I don't think quite yet.... guess i'm still not ready after all. I'm happy being myself, not having the viewpoints/needs of another person be imposed onto me. And it's not like I'm a player or anything, because i'm not. lol i'm flipping awkward around girls i like... such is the way of the nice guys.

That said, what is it that i'm actually looking for?

Has another year changed my list?

1) God loving, God fearing. Heck if she can be more connected to God than i am, the more the better. This one hasn't changed.
2) Cute. Yes Ken likes cute girls. Remember people cute> sexy
3) Underswtands me. There has been times i wished that i had someone to sit beside me when i;m sitting outside the law building at nights... someone i can share those times of quiet with. Someone who would go out to look for me when i stepped out even...
4) loves. Self explanaotry.
5) strong, because sometimes I can't be strong.
6) listens to me... makes me feel that it's ok to talk to her. A ear for a ear if I may.
7) smart... i'd like someone i could debate with. Yeah... that'd be cool.
8) Fun.... she would actually dance at a dance... not spend the night taking photos! yARRRRR

I'd ask all this... but what then can I offer?

I don't really know honestly. And answering that might seem abit self centered. Blowing my own horn and what not. But I do not intend to bring nothing to the table.

I'd listen to her at least... us ears are good at that!

Ken

Punch out fun

It'd be a good thing, i think, if i could shall we say introduce a certain person to my fists and possibly knee and forehead. Yes, i'm angry/annoyed/frustrated, but sometimes there really sin't anything you can do about the situations.

So you feel like causing bodily harm to someone instead.

I hate how things have happened. but que sera.


On other news, i've been thinking. You know I'd put down the pen (figurative of course, haven't actually held an ACTUAL pen in a long time.. and definately not voluntarily) save that the stories are still there. i still imagine scenes, characters, plots, quotes... it's just that the words don't flow anymore. I mean even when it comes to writing blogs, i don't want to whinge and bitch and whine and even more than that i don't want to make syself out to be some modern day confucious cos I sure as hell aint that. I've got no respect for people who try to be deep and only come off as being pretentious prats with nothing else to do.

Which explainsthe many aborted posts of late.

Writing... I still enjoy it honestly. I find that I like writing stupid things, or meaningful things, or just things in general. It's just that i've been finding of late less to say.

Maybe i'm getting old?

I'm wondering...
- whether family trends recur
... whether respect lost can be regained
... whether I'd have the heart to actually make good on my thoughts/words and beat someone. Actually focus my mind to the physical bodily harm of another human being. No matter how deserving they may be.
... whether i will find my muse again
... why the idea of dying still refuses to shut up. It's funny, it' just keeps offering itself as an alternative to having to live through the hard things in life.
... who God is trying to make me become....
... whether i can afford to have a 21st...


Questions questions, but i still don't have my answers

Chains

Everyone has chains.

Or everyone has HAD chains.

Sometimes the people who had chains get caught again.

Sometimes the people who are chained don't realise that they are, and they wonder why life is so hard to live. Why things seem so strife filled.

Sometimes the people who are chained know that they are chained... but don't know how to really be free.

Sometimes... they like the chains.


I have my chains.

And the only way i can see of breaking them lies in Christ... but i do wonder though.... does he ever get tired of me coming with the same ol things?

I know the answer to that. But i still wonder that sometimes.

At least I know my chains. Some of them at least.

Some.... even those who have lived far longer than I never do.

I really can't do anything without my God. And this is not an excuse to not do anything. It's just noting the truth that i do rely on God to keep me right.

I'm too stupid to do it alone.

K

Why Cry ~ lYric Time

You nkow honestly, the only reason i watched the whole video was because I couldn't be sure if the guitarist was dave navarro, but hey the song grows on you!

===
The Panic Channel- Why Cry
===

I've been feeling lonesome
I'm down, don't know what to do
I let you lie to me
plant seeds inside
to see them grow
only to leave them to die

I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting
why cry
why cry
why cry
for you

I've been lost and finding
out that I've been such a fool
you thought you'd stick around
until the day you found
someone to make me obsolete

I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting
why cry
why cry
why cry
why cry
for you

I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting

I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting

I learned my lesson
I won't be forgetting
I won't give my heart out
without suspecting

Test