Ok, it's been a frigging long time since i've actually posted so i figure i'll make this a good one. Guess it'll be good to put into words the things that be on my mind. Well aside from my seemingly deteriorating vocabulary... DAMN YOU TELEVISION AND YOU AMERICAN HUMOUR!
Well i tried to write poetry tonight.. and as it would seem, i can't seem to get the sort of fluidity that i used to be capable of. You know sad to say i can still remember the time whetre within an hour i could write a poem i was happy with. Tonight all i came up with is something i scrapped becuase it was equivalent to the writing capability of a fifteen year old.
Yeha on taht front i can't say much progress has been had =P
Moving on, so i started reading my old blog posts, and you know what... apart from being a whiny lil bitch in some of them, i really was quite eloquent. makes a guy want to write a little bit it does. And yes, i know that isn't shall we say, perfect oxford grammar, but law school hasn't satrted again yet so grammar isn't a requirement.. not quite yet at least lol
Of the posts that kinda made me think the most were the ones about what I want for mysef... and the ones about relationships. Both topics I'm planning on updating tonight.
And as these thigns go, while relationships are certainly not the most important, they are the most entertaining to consider.
The question is then... what do i want and what has changed?
You know on this point i do find that i've changed abit.
I want .....
Someone who understands me... how you'd elaborate more on that is kinda beyond me. lol I'd have thought that'd be fairly self explantory.
Someone who's cute. Ok lets say this first and foremost. I am not a shallow person. it's just taht the physical attraction thing DOES matter people. At least in the beggining. Plus really... if a person is cute makes liking them that much easier =P
Someone who is a good person inside. Now this is horrendously vauge i know. But i've found that some people really are attractive because of the good they have within them. You know... like... they are just genuinely nice people. That is something that is in my opinion absolutely precious.
Someone who wants to be a good mother. Because frankly my dream is to be a good father... and a good father has to admit that he won't be very good at his job if he doesn't have someone who's a good mother by his side.
Someone who i can talk to. Ok this really is self explanatory. Kinda related to being understood. Communication = win!
Someone who can be my emotional strength. Was just thinking about this today when driving that while in alot of cases, men are the ones who (in terms of general roles), protect and care for the women, the women tend to be the ones who support the men, especially in the emotional side of the equasion. Basically someone who can stand by you and let you know that she's there for you.
Someone I can protect. General role of men aside... I want this. I want to be able to protect and care for someone. Think its been burned into my personality... I have to say i really love that whole idea. That you are someone's strength (the other side to the previous point. )
Someone who is affectionate. Ken likes hugs and kisses. Nuff said lol
Someone who is adventerous. or at least capable of randomness. I don't know how many times i've just gone... Yep lets do something. She'll have to be up for that lol like going for midnight drives to the beach just cos we can. Though i prob will never do "lets go see sunrise at akaroa" ever agian >.<
Someone i can trust. I think this goes without saying but may as well list it out because frankly trust really is what relatinoships are made of. If that is broken... well its not easily replaced.
Quite a list huh.... lol
So here's the second part. What is it that I can offer to her because I think its only fair.
(and really because the classic lines are really the best)
I'll be the man who catches her tears, my shoulders already wet with the ones that i've missed.
I'll be the man who supports her in the dreams that she wants for herself. I'm not going to be such a small little man that the only dreams that matter in the relationship are mine. Thats just not me.
I'll be loyal. Never betray... i think that's a good motto.
I'll protect her to the best of my abilities. Well kinda already gone through that one...
I'll keep improving myself. Because really, I know my flaws better than anyone on this earth. And honestly I have no intention of just accepting the way I am now as "good enough". Only scared little people refuse to change. I have no intention of being a scared little man.
I'll always listen. Because honestly listening is still one of the things I do best.
I'll try my best to understand her. Its only fair after all. (and to be honest, i like understanding how people work anyway)
I will be honest. Yeah i don't have to explain this do i?
lol
All and all i'd say that's a pretty good trade. I am who I am, and she will be who she will be. But yeah... its really interesting to see how expreince has changed my perspectives. It's still kinda a foggy picture, but its getting that little bit clearer.
Ya know this getting quite long lol... ah well... onto the next point!
What is it I want for myself? Like my dreams... my vision.
This i think has changed a wee bit... but i guess ultimately not that much at all.
I want to be significant. That would be my dream in its most simplest form. I don't want to be just another person... I'm not being arrogant here though. I believe everyone has potential to be someone significant. To at least do something in their lives that means something. Honestly, one of the greatest tragedies i feel about the world today is that people accept such average lives. They don't try to acheive something... to utilize their potential... i don't know. Guess being just another joe bloggs is not something I want for myself. Don't want to let my life be a stone that makes no ripples. Becasue that'd be sad.
I want.... to get into investments!!!! seriously. I mean if i can't get into investment banking, I will one day have my own investment portfolio. Seriously... the finance market is soemthing I've wanted to get into for ages aye....
I want... to run my own business. Because I think i'd like the challange of making a business work... and more than taht suceeding in it.
I want... to be a good father. a damn good father. (and a husband at that i might add lol) Its something I've wanted since I was 18 and i don't see that changing. Want to raise a family i'd be proud of. That God would be proud of.
I want... to help people. This ties into the significance thing i said before. Really this does have alot to do with legacy.... what people will think of you when you're gone. And more than that, what you leave behind when you die.
I want... ultimately to be used by God. This DEFINATELY ties into significance. And i think everything else i've said before has to come under this. Rar
So what does all this mean?
Probably taht I have alot to do. lol To quote Andre, If you want something you're going to have to go and do it yourself. Things won't just fall into your lap.
A fact i remembered today... and soemthing I do not intend to forget anytime soon.
Ok that should be enough from me tonight ^_^
G'nite all
=Ken
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